The safeword as a sign of BDSM-bullshit infestations outside the BDSM scene.

rolequeer:

Fetish, leather, orgy lovers, non-standard sex lovers, various kinksters, etc communities (I’m not talking right now of the ones who actively identify within BDSM) often brush shoulders with BDSMers in shops, websites, conventions etc.  Which can lead to some of the bullshit ideas of BDSM being adopted by these groups. In almost all groups, this has happened to some extend. As the online monopoly of Fetlife gets worse, this will only increase. 

Now I’ve been thinking about how to analyze this, what can be ‘warning signs’ of a subculture heavily infested with BDSM bullshit and what can be strategies against it. And the first strong warning sign that occured to me is the safeword. 

Think about it: the safeword claims to be a tool for good consent, but it’s not really, is it? It only becomes useful as a tool of consent when the universally recognized tools to withdraw consent (No. Stop. Don’t do that.) have already become ineffective in that space. Putting it very simply: 

If a subculture has safewords, it means that at some point someone went “You know what would be really hot? If someone said ‘no’ and I fucked that person anyway. We should normalize that.”, and the rest of the community did not kick that person out or urged them to deal with their shit but did what they suggested. 

That’s a warning sign for a huge amount of rape culture and BDSM bullshit having infected the place. That’s just super gross.