We also learn: the desire for a more normal life does not necessarily mean identification with the norms, but can be a desire to avoid the exhaustion of having to insist just to exist.
If you do not inhabit existing norms, it can be uncomfortable. I often think through the politics of comfort through chairs: furniture is always good to think with. Think of how it feels to be comfortable: say you are sinking into a comfortable chair. Comfort is about the fit between body and object: my comfortable chair might be awkward for you with your differently shaped body. Comfort is about an encounter between more than one body; the promise of a sinking feeling. Heteronormativity functions as a form of public comfort by allowing bodies to fit in; the surfaces of social space are already impressed upon by the shape of such bodies (like a chair that acquires its shape by the repetition of some bodies inhabiting it: we can almost see the shape of bodies as impressions in the surface).
Sara Ahmed, Living a Feminist Life (Durham: Duke University Press, 2017), 122-23.
“Queers might be asked not to make others feel uncomfortable, by not displaying any signs of queer intimacy. You might be asked to tone it down, or you might decide to tone it down to avoid creating discomfort. The availability of comfort for some bodies may depend on the labor of others, and the burden of concealment.”
Ibid., 223.
As a nonbinary person I often think about, and know other nonbinary people think about, growing older and less energetic at some point. Being yourself in a society that denies your existence so consistently takes so much energy. What if there comes a point where I can’t carry that? Would I even really be alive is I stopped being myself? Would it even make me any safer after living so long as publically queer? And who would support me? Our younger queer community has so little tolerance for ‘sellouts’ and their supposed ‘passing privilege’. What sort of future is there for nonbinary older people? Are we building it while we can?
QueerAnarchism 