One day I need to write a really long piece on all the material ways not being poor anymore shelters me from oppression. Not just the ‘very rich people can afford surgery and lawyers’, that part is obvious. It’s all the small things about having the basics.
Not having a flat share means I do not have to negotiate my right to exist in my own home, having a small garden shielded from view means I can be outside without having to present my existence in a way that won’t agitate strangers, having food in storage means I do not have to deal with anyone when I just do not have the energy to do so. Having a spare bike means I do not have to deal with the troubles of public transport when I don’t want to.
Because of all these things I can rest, I can eat, I can feel the sun on my skin, without having to consider whether I want to expend the energy of existing in public spaces where any moment could be hostile. Not every moment, but any moment, and that’s what makes it so exhausting.
And having all this shelter sometimes almost make me forget the times before I had these basics, the times when every place in my life could at any moment become a potential battlefield because someone might see me as something undesireable to be policed, restricted or destroyed.
audacityinblack replied: “I think it’s worth noting that the trauma of poverty can follow you for years, even after you escape it. I still have panic attacks at the idea of being as poor as | used to be. Not being in control of your finances, even if you’re not strictly *poor* in a property sense, can create a similar environment of oppression.”
ABSOLUTELY.
That’s a whole other topic that I wanna write a really long thing about some day.But oh man yes, my compulsory habbit to pinch pennies and always get the cheapest option on anything, my guilt at spending money that I have on things I love, going back and forth between wanting to buy all the things and feeling terrible about it, panic attacks because I lost a €10 bill, days when I don’t wanna go to a great concert with my friends even though I can easily afford it because the though of spending €20 on something I’ll only enjoy one night causes so much stress that I feel physically sick.
I have not been poor in over 6 years and I am still trying to find a healthy way to cope with the role of money in my life. It’s getting better by now but it took years of recovery to get there.
fellow queer here with a similar story & healing process. shout out for creating this very important dialogue
❤ ❤ ❤
QueerAnarchism 