What I don’t get about the ‘resources’ argument is, how exactly do asexuals waste LGBT resources if we don’t need them? If being ace won’t get you kicked out of your home, you won’t need housing. If being ace won’t get you fired, you won’t need the financial backup. If being ace doesn’t put you at physical risk, you won’t need the protective services that the LGBT community can muster.
If, on the other hand, being ace does cause you to deal with any of the above, then the resources aren’t being ‘wasted’ – they’re going toward the safety and well-being of somebody who’s being punished for not being straight. Isn’t that the point of those resources to begin with?
I’m honestly confused how this argument even works. The only way it makes sense is if we’re walking up to a community that we have zero need of, and they’re just going ‘okey-dokey! 8D’ and handing us shit we clearly don’t need. Is that what y’all are trying to say? I’m honestly curious.
the more I see this contradiction, the more it bothers me. I constantly see BOTH “aces dont get kicked out of their homes!! ace people dont get murdered!!!” and “cishet aces/aros are stealing resources made by and for LGBT people!!!”
Which is it? How are they taking these resources if they don’t need them? cishet aces/aros aren’t getting kicked out of their homes but theyre also taking up LGBT shelters?
The only thing I can think of that would include “aces take resources” and “aces don’t get kicked out of homes/fired/raped/abused for being ace” is information resources, and that doesn’t make sense either. How is it bad to have a greater understanding of human sexuality?
like, if a confused young person has questions about their sexuality, they are going to go to an LGBT group (no matter what it’s called) and ask questions. At that point, they are Questioning. How would it help anybody if the young person asks about not really feeling attraction? to anyone? I guess? and then told that they’re basically straight, go away you are taking up resources! Like…
#FUCKING THANK YOU #APHOBIA #MORE AND MORE #IT BECOMES CLEAR THAT THESE PEOPLE #HAVE ALMOST NO IRL COMMUNITY BUILDING EXPERIENCE #AND JUST SCREECH THE THINGS THEY’VE BEEN TAUGHT ON TUMBLR
and again (i know it’s not the case all the time), remember how many tr*scum were pre-everything trans guys who were scared of not being able to transition due to medical gatekeeping and the fear of being compared to non-dysphoric nb people? i’m seeing such a parallel between young lgbt folk who are scared of not having resources they need and lash out at others.
understanding where it can come from isn’t condoning it, but it can provide understanding.
and me? i’m co-president of a university pride group next fall, and if The Cishet Aros/Aces want to help me pass out flyers for drag-o-ween and rainbow prom and shit, so i don’t have to do so much work by myself, i welcome them and i’m totally down to talk about asexuality and aromanticism during meetings alongside all our other discussions and activism. we might even do something for ace awareness week like we have the last couple years! we might even have someone write an extra coming out monologue about figuring out they’re aro/ace or coming out to family! that’d be cool, i actually did that a couple years ago and so did one of my good friends.
and of course if they’re talking about how disgusting gay sex is, we’re probably gonna have a talk about things that are appropriate and not appropriate to say in pride, because that one definitely isn’t. but if someone says something about sex (or romance!) being a universal need we’re also gonna talk about how that’s not cool to say and most definitely hurts people.
it’s almost like we’re going to recognize that people have different needs, experiences, and privileges, and then try to account for those and support people! wow!
i know people have different definitions of the word but to me, that’s kind of what a community is.
Thank you so much for mentioning young lgbt folk who are scared of not having resources they need and lash out at others. That is such an important part of it.
On the uglier side of it, I also think of the way white lgbt abled people are often very single-issue focussed because they feel like they grew up experiencing life on top of the social hierarchy, and then they came out of the closet and suddenly there’s homophobia and/or transphobia and they tumbl down that hierarchy. And at that point a lot of white lgbt people look up and think “We need to fight homophobia/transphobia so I can return to that feeling at the top of the social hierarchy” instead of “we need to dismantle the hierarchy”.
And if that’s your perspective, if your task is to get rid of this one thing so things can be as they were before you came out, then everything that is not about you becomes a distraction. Taking about racism and ableism in lgbt spaces becomes a distraction, if you’re not bi talking about biphobia becomes a distraction. if you’re not trans talking about transphobia becomes a distraction, it you’re not ace, talking about aphobia becomes a distraction. And it’s easy to just present all these voices as ‘straight people are using our resources’ when what you mean is ‘conversations that are not about me are taking place’.
While if your goal is to dismantle the whole hierarchy, all of these conversations can only ever be good things.
QueerAnarchism 