Bad Sex Positivity: The Trilogy

queeranarchism:

Bad sex positivity as seen on my Tumblr dash (depending on what crowd you hang with you may have seen this develop differently):

2012: Consent is Sexy! Yes means Yes! Sex is Empowering! It’s all simple and fun! Just say yes and you’re good to go! Buy my feminist porn DVD for € 50 to become the best sex positive feminist you can be! Sex For Her Inc.

2015: All kinks are valid! And by all kinks we mean BDSM. No need to explore why we eroticize rape, just buy some rope and get to it! Time to put safe words in all sex positive places so ‘no’ can mean ‘yes’ anywhere!

2017: What we need to do is get rid of all the freaks and weirdos and get back to the Wholesome Pure sex positivity where we talk about condoms and tell young girls how to consent to sex in the missionary position with their boyfriend when they’re ‘Ready’.

And the thing is, all these forms of sex positivity were terrible because they sought simple answers and treated sex positivity like an aesthetic and a set of simple community rules to follow and words to say to be a Good Person and to recognize the Bad People.

Real sex positivity comes from accepting that sex is messy and complicated and weird and that’s part of why it can be wonderful but rarely simple. It involves grappling with complicated truths like how rape culture and systematic oppression impact our desires. And it involves truly facing our own ability to violate the consent of our partners regardless of whether we resemble our idea of what a Rapist looks like.

Reading tips:
– You can take it back. Consent as a felt sense. http://bandanablog.wordpress.com/2013/11/05/you-can-take-it-back-consent-as-a-felt-sense/amp/
– You might be a rapist is it never occurs to you that rape is something you are capable of. https://maybemaimed.com/2014/11/07/you-might-be-a-rapist-if-it-never-occurs-to-you-that-rape-is-something-youre-capable-of/