“Frank’s a slut. He makes all of us look bad. He proves everything Republicans have ever said about gay guys to be true,” Chris said.

I’ve always hated this argument. Why is it my job, or Frank’s job, or anyone’s job to prove disparaging propaganda about gay people incorrect? Why do I have to adopt a way of living in line with people who don’t approve of my lifestyle? Just to prove them wrong? I don’t want to live my whole life defined by others’ expectations, whether those expectations are positive or negative. […]

What I wanted to tell Chris is that it isn’t Frank’s behavior making us look bad as gay men; it’s the way we turn on each other, holding each other to heteronormative standards of behavior. We should stand together, and stand for each other’s right to fuck and love and behave how we want.

We have fought hard — for visibility, for the right to marry, for the right to live our lives how we see fit. We did not fight to be mainstream, and we did not fight to live according to heterosexual, conservative or religious values. We did not fight to be anything other than who we choose to be. That is what freedom is.