“this [person from marginalized group] is telling you something, just listen. don’t question it, don’t defend yourself. you’re wrong no matter what.”
here’s what’s wrong with that
people still have to think for themselves and apply critical thought to what they’re told even if all they want is to be a good ally
what if two [people from marginalized group] tell me exact opposite things, how do i decide which one of them is right? how do i even know i should be listening to either of them and not [person from privileged group] instead? at some point i had to arrive at the conclusion that i want to be an ally and that didn’t happen by mindlessly believing what i’m told
you aren’t promoting good allyship you just want people to shut up and agree with you and that’s not quite the same thing
Yep.
We all fuck up. It’s part of being human. And when it comes to analysing the impact of oppression in our lives we have a lot more insight than people who have never experiences that oppression but we can still be wrong.
And well, another part of being human is that our intentions can be fucked up too. Some of us want to be seen doing big public call outs to be considered a good activist. Some of us fall for the temptation of being able to shut people up as a way of getting a tiny bit of payback from all the hurt that has been done to us. Some of us go beyong that and manage to warp call outs into a big manipulative powertrip that allows us to control social scenes.
So yeah, ‘I’m oppressed so I’m right’ is a shitty argument and a red flag for manipulation. To share an old quote:
If someone’s arguments aren’t adding up, automatically expecting that
they’re acting in the interests of all oppressed people simply as a
result of being oppressed is wrong. […] Being victimized, or having been
victimized, doesn’t automatically give you wisdom, and it sure as hell
doesn’t teach you kindness.And I’ve said it before: you can not be an ally to all people in a marginalized community, you are always an ally to a movement.
I’m a transgender anarchist who strongly believes abolishing cops makes us safer. Someone else is a transgender cop who thinks they’re changing the world by being a transgender cop. It is impossible to be an ally to both of us. If you agree with whichever trans person is in the room, you’re not an ally, you’re a doormat and I have no use for you as a fake comrade.
Less doormats, more comrades.
yesh, but also : it does depend on the context. Is it in a militant context ? in tumblr context ? in a going-to-drink-a-beer-with-friends context ?
What i mean is that, as a maybe-offender, you have to check if the maybe-victim is in a situation where they can go away.
for example : on tumblr, you say X thing and someone from a minority says its bad. you can go educate yourself and come back with apologies, more questions, or disagreements. If the person doesnt want to answer, they wont. thats all there is.
In a militant context, where the goal is to educate (there can be others miitant context, but as an example) : there this person telling you you said bad things. Since it is in a militant context, you can show a difference of opinion or ask questions about why what you said was bad -as long as youre not being an asshole, or a sea-lioning asshole (im speaking in a situation where we are between reasonable people). Its in a educational militant context, so the person knew what they were getting into.
But when you’re going out with friends ? if you say something which may be oppressive, and a person from a minority tells you its not good/make them feel bad/wtv, here you indeed have to shut up and thats all. because this person want to spend some quality times with friends and not educate some ignorant guy or enter a long debate, and they cant go away from this interaction. Maybe they’re wrong -or not wrong per se, but like @queeranarchism said, only represent a fraction of a movement-, and you’ll know that when you come back home and educate yourself. But its better to not push it, because chances are you are wrong and you’re going to spoil a perfect good evening for someone. so the argument “im oppressed so im right” is okay to use in this sort of context i think ; oppressed people dont have to go full-militant mode each time they go have fun somewhere, and if they cant get away from an interaction they should have the right to say “i dont want you to say that when im here to have a good time and i dont have to explain why to you right know” .
as usual, nuances are important~
Good nuances,
Although it’s also important to recognize the difference between
“I don’t want you to say that and I don’t want to explain”, (which is a boundary all of us should be able to set and more so when it concerns our oppression)
And “I am angry at what you said so I can express than anger to you any way I want but your only allowed response is apologies regardless of whether I am right and regardless of whether you actually agree with me to the point of feeling sorry.”
As I said: we’re not perfect, we’re not always right and not always kind and we use this shit in nasty ways sometimes, even on a night out (maybe more so after a few drinks).
And of course sometimes getting very angry is VERY justified, but let’s be honest with ourselves, we know that’s not always the case and we know most of us have some point after a day full of microagression given hell to someone over something minor.
QueerAnarchism 