I’ve came to the conclusion that I’m ace but after looking at ace discourse ™ im not sure if my asexuality is stemming from internalized homophobia or if it’s genuine. I’ve had crushes in the past but I never liked to think of them in a sexual way. Basically what I’m trying to say that ace discourse has made me even more confused about my asexuality, and I don’t know whether I want to continue identifying as it because I don’t feel like im valid anymore.

asynca:

First of all, ace discourse is total horseshit. I’ve been around for 25 years and I’ve seen ample evidence that ace folks are oppressed. If you think there isn’t, you’re not listening to ace people. 

Let me make a bold statement that shouldn’t be controversial, but it is: it doesn’t matter what you think might have caused your asexuality. No one cause is ‘real’ asexuality, and not one cause makes you less asexual right now. 

It doesn’t matter if it’s from internalized homophobia, past sexual assault, decades of impenetrable low self-esteem so that the thought of someone ever touching you is terrifying and repulsive, just an innate low libido where sex once a year is enough, abuse and trauma that makes it difficult for you to look at people sexually, religious upbringing that stigmatised sex so much that anything sexual gives you panic attacks… All these things result in you ending up being just as ace as someone who just…. naturally grew that way. 

And, like every identity, it’s actually genuinely okay for your asexuality to be a transient identity. Perhaps you’ll be ace for a decade and then other experiences you have will lead you to being more sexual. Perhaps you won’t. You don’t get to choose one identity label for life and you’re never allowed to change it (thank god). People grow and change, identities can sometimes change, too. 

What I’m saying is don’t be afraid to identify as asexual if that’s how you feel right now. Maybe your feelings will change, maybe they won’t. But if it feels true, use the label. Because it doesn’t matter how you got here, you’re here, and the label fits. People are a patchwork of experiences, and if yours lead you to be asexual in some way, that’s just as valid as identity as someone who had different experiences and got here, too.