sera-wohldmann:

strongorcbutch:

arionwind:

I will never not be exhausted by people who seem to think they can be anti SWERF and anti kink.  As if anti-kink doesn’t always always always wind up coming down hard on sex workers.  Come on, kids, at least pretend to put some thought into this shit.

It can be a complex issue. Because as much as people try to make it a yes/no issue, all kinks are NOT created equal. There are people using various aspects of my identity as kinks, aspects of my identity that are not theirs. There are people who are using “kink” as an excuse to craft and maintain explicitly abusive relationships. And this is not a tiny isolated problem. Things like racism and transmisogyny are mainstream problems in kink communities. I can be strongly critical of the scene and community without being anti sex worker. And sex workers can do sex work without participating in denigrating people of color, trans women, and so on.

I’m very pro SW, and worked in cams before. I get there are some kinks that are just “not my thing yet mostly harmless,” but there are also some that are not that.

I see women bragging about their bruises inflicted by men and I can’t help but feel there is something malevolent about that when we live in a world overflowing with male violence. It harkens back to the argument about the failings of “choice” feminism.

I see men who, time and again, avoid culpability and consequences for violating consent in kink communities, and I can reach no other conclusion but the pervasiveness of rape culture.

In addition to the disturbing trans fetishization Eve referred to, I see the same applied to various racial and ethnic stereotypes being fetishized. Those in control in so many kink communities are so very white that it’s hard to see these fetishes as anything other than power fantasy.

So no, it’s not that simple.

I feel like having decent conversations on this relies on:

• Genuine good faith. This includes a sincere desire to create space for kink-positivity and to examine where we fuck up as kinky people. It also includes not wanting to do call outs for coolness points. All of this is rare enough as it is.

• An understanding of the difference between the kink itself and the culture of the scene where it is currently practiced. For example: A desire to play with power? Not inherently a problem. Power impacts all of our lives and it makes sense to want to unwrap the impact of power on our emotions within an erotic context. Queer leather culture has build great kink cultures that included playing with the conncept of power in ways that subverted oppressive forces in our lives. But the mainstream BDSM scene as it is, shaped by and for white middle class straight men who get off on dominating women? That’s a rape culture filled mess which actively reinforces
  oppressive forces in our lives. 

• An insider-focussed understanding of the kink and the desires it is rooted in. This requires either having experiences with that kink or genuinely listening to those who do. For example: a ‘fetish for fat girls’? That’s some fatphobic horrible shit. The clue is in the fact that the target of the fetish is the same as the person being fetishized. But a fetish for crossdressing? That’s about the person itself and as a result is generally rooted in someone’s own inherent need to express parts of their gender annd sometimes in their shame around that need. It can be expressed in transphobic ways but the desire to wear women’s cothing in an erotic context is not inherently transphobic because it adresses an inward need, not an outside fetishized target.

Generally, the best nuanced works I’ve seen criticizing kink have been from people who simultaneously have that specific kink and are victimized by the problems within that kink. Like trans women who have experienced being turned on by cross dressing before their coming out but were also very uncomfortable about the transphobia in some of the material produced. And people who like to play with power but have experienced the unsafety of the existing BDSM scene.

And always, it is important to involve sex workers who are practicing that kink in their work life or private life and would also like better, safer work experiences and private experience. These same sex workers will also immediately tell you that, no matter how bad a kink is, criminalizing the practice of it in sex work will make it more dangerous to the sex worker. Never ever a good idea.